I tried out the break room coffee today — a well-aged, steaming cup of Folgers tempered with petroleum-based sugar and petroleum-based powdered creamer. I usually add water to cool it down to a temperature I can gulp.
What break room Folgers lacks aesthetically it makes up for with chemical stimulation. I am thankful for this as I sit for hours on end in my cubicle with only my unblinking monitor to keep me company. Thanks to this legal, addictive stimulant I can stare at a screen for long periods of time as I carry out unremarkable tasks with unnatural speed and precision.